Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
one might say we're banned from that church
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
