At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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