you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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