he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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