Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
