I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
