9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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