he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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