Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
