my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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