I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
