I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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