You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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