Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
