Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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