she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
