the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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