dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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