Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
