David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
