my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
