you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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