how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
