Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
