K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
