dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
