i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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