The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
