real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
