eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
