1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think my fart just growled at me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
