you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
