SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
