there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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