Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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