Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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