I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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