Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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