If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
