There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
