my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
