i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
