I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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