maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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