we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
did you just send me my own nude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
