We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
