My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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