I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
