my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
