It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
