My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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